(CLAIMED TO HAVE BEEN HEARD):
- On meeting a widow, he remarked that it was very sad, “her husband came to a sad end. He was eaten by missionaries.”
- Calling John Millington Synge’s famous Irish play “The Ploughboy of the Western World.
- At a wedding: “It is kisstomary to cuss the bride.”
- “Blushing crow” for “crushing blow.”
- “The Lord is a shoving leopard” (Loving shepherd).
- “A well-boiled icicle” for “well-oiled bicycle.”
- “I have in my bosom a half-warmed fish” (for half-formed wish), supposedly said in a speech to Queen Victoria.
- A toast to “our queer old dean” instead of to “our dear old Queen.”
- Upon dropping his hat: “Will nobody pat my hiccup?”
- “Go and shake a tower” (Go and take a shower).
- Paying a visit to a college official: “Is the bean dizzy?”
- “You will leave by the town drain.”
- When our boys come home from France, we will have the hags flung out.
- “Such Bulgarians should be vanished…” (Such vulgarians should be banished).
- Addressing farmers as “ye noble tons of soil”.
- “You have tasted a whole worm” (to a lazy student).
- “The weight of rages will press hard upon the employer.”
- And, the classic: “Mardon me padom, you are occupewing my pie. May I sew you to another sheet?”